Great Expectations

It is amazing to look at my life over the last six months(ish) and see what the good Lord is trying desperately to teach me. I have discovered that I have expectations of what I've dreamed my life would be or what I plan my life to be, and quite often over the last few months my expectations have been blown and I've been thrown completely for a loop. Do not get my wrong, I have high expectations for my faith, my marriage, my child. I had high expectations for my students when I taught school, but these expectations are different.

After joyfully announcing that I was pregnant, I could not wait for my family to see me pregnant and then to meet the baby. I had always envisioned mine and my husband's family's waiting in the waiting room for the news that the baby is here. I envisioned my child meeting it's grandparents, aunts and uncles within a few days. But being 4,000 miles away from our families meant that there was no one waiting in the waiting room for the big news. There was just my new family of three that would be tucked in together that night and ready for life ahead as a three-some.

I had visions of the four-generations pictures with all four sets of grandparents. Tyler and I were incredibly lucky that our grandparents were all present for our wedding, and I expected that they would all meet my first (at least) child. But sadly, my Mimi passed away eight days before Caroline was born. Caroline will never know my beloved Mimi, but now she gets her own.

 My Mimi and me.

 Caroline and her Mimi

On the same note, I'd always been told that I would be flown home when one of my grandparents died. This was not something I need to worry about regardless of where I was in the world. But because I was 38 weeks pregnant, I physically could not fly for my Mimi's funeral. I was in Alaska with Tyler while my entire family celebrated her life and leaned on each other for strength.

Although my expectations or visions for my life have not always been met, I can stand before you and say that my life, my faith and my family are better for it. I did not envision that I would rely on my husband and the Lord alone when my Mimi died or that the simple hours after Caroline's birth as a new three-some would be some of the most wonderful of my life or that I would fall in love with my husband and child all over again when she turned four months old in Seattle Children's Hospital hundreds of miles away from our home and from our family's homes.

I never envisioned that I would not ask God "why" or be angry when I got the news that my child was sick or that I would not waiver from the fact that I believed she was going to be okay. Was I sad? Yes. Was I scared? Sometimes. Am I the perfect Christian? No. Do I pray as often as I should? No.  
But am I thankful for the Lord's plan for me?! Most certainly.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for you to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

-- Jeremiah 29:11 --