Guilt

We have one week down .. whew!! Tyler seems to be doing well, and I am staying busy at home. Someone sent me a text message on Friday night asking how I was and if I needed anything. I was quite thankful that this person thought of me and then sent a kind message back. After pushing the send button, I stopped for a second and felt guilty for saying, "I'm okay." I miss Tyler, but for the most part I'm okay. I feel so bad saying that because it makes it seem like I don't need or want him to be here.

I told him about this and he was wonderful about it. Saying that he needs me to "be okay," and that being okay is not a sign of not wanting, needing or loving him, it is just a sign that I can take care of myself when I need to. A girlfriend that I was telling all of this to simply said, "What a blessing and answer to prayer. God has taken you in and with his grace made you okay."

Although I am okay now, I know there will be times when I'm sad or when I just don't think I can handle one more lawn mowing or snow shoveling or picking up poop (yes, gross!) or a Friday night movie with just Bella, but I have to. I can be sad, but then I have to "be okay" for me and for Tyler.